How we’ve dealt with fights, breakups, first loves, and stalking exes.
Valentine’s Day is here and it’s the perfect day to realise that a special day for love is not really required. Nevertheless, we admit that there was a time when we used to take lengthy preparations to make the most of this day, to impress, to put the best foot forward or simply because it appeared that it was the right thing to do given all the hypes by media. Remember when Valentine’s Day meant dropping a handmade card into your crush’s desk? Fast forward to present times, we look rather sheepishly at our antics of the teenage especially around Valentine’s Day and would love to share this post trying to answer some obviously cheesy questions on past relationships, fights, first love and all about love:
1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Tanusree: Not at all, aside from the first time I saw some of my clothes and accessories, kiddin’. I believe you can have a strong attraction for someone at first sight, but I feel love is a deeper emotion built through emotional connections, physical attraction, and mental compatibility.
Shehzaad: No I don’t believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in lust at first sight and I do accept that there were times in the past, the thin line between love and lust was not recognised. May be due to lack of experience and immaturity, it was natural then to label infatuation and lust as ‘love’ because it sounded better. But no, I don’t believe in love at first sight.
2. Longest relationship and what made it that duration?
Tanusree: This March, our marriage will turn a decade old, and it doesn’t end there, it’s been 18 years now we know each other, that’s more than half of my lifetime. The things that make our relationship successful are: respect, appreciation, laughing together often, making one another feel our no. 1 priority, and always being each others’ biggest fan and critic.
Shehzaad: 18 years of knowing my wife-Tanusree and spending 10 years out of this period together as a married couple. It would be unfair to say that it was only an unchallenged and unquestionable love which made it cover this long duration. To be honest, it was more than love in the sense that it was a mixture of attraction we felt towards each other which was not necessarily out of love, the ambition we felt to spend memorable moments together which was not necessarily out of love but more out of a deep sense of respect towards the personality of the individual. And to tell the truth, we perhaps did not come across any other man or woman in this duration who we might have thought ‘to be a better catch’ to change our minds for.
3. Favorite celebrity duo?
Tanusree: Prince William and Kate Middleton. I think they look great together, look comfortable with each other regardless of all the mayhem around royal family and most importantly, the public appearances they make together, their chemistry looks effortless.
Shehzaad:Used to be Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri Khan, these days its possibly Shahid Kapoor and Mira Kapoor, Shehzaad Shams and Tanusree Ghosh. I do consider ourselves as a celebrity duo because we indeed are, just that we are undercover because we don’t enjoy the stardom responsibilities that come with it. Dumbo alert – it is a joke.
4. Have you ever been dumped?
Tanusree: I break hearts, I don’t let anyone to break mine!
Shehzaad:Yes when I was 16 or 17, I was dumped by my then girlfriend.
5. Do you stop eating or carb-load or start drinking after a fight?
Tanusree: None of it, I don’t attach my diet to emotional trauma.
Shehzaad: Yes I tend to hit the bottle after a fight happens because it helps me to cool down, release my stress by preferably falling asleep. The truth is it actually doesn’t solve the problem or the fight but many times we tend to succumb to immediate reactions. I usually don’t stop eating because I feel its not worth it, temporarily I may lose appetite but not for long.
6. Most romantic thing you’ve done in regards to someone you’re interested in/dating?
Tanusree: I flew to another country to meet him even when I was all of 18, as a student, I didn’t have enough money to buy air tickets etc. but I still managed somehow!
Shehzaad: A birthday celebration for Tanusree in Buenos Aires Argentina which included a massage session at Four Season’s Hotel followed by a helicopter ride over Buenos Aires which ended with glasses of champagne.
7. What’s your breakup/after a fight/romantic playlist? (2 songs each)
Tanusree: Since I never had a sad breakup (meaning I wasn’t dumped ever), I didn’t have breakup playlist. For fights, yes, lots of them! I go for really sad stuff. It helps me lean into the moment and feel all the feels. I will listen to old Hindi and Bengali songs, some from the 90’s, Ghulam Ali ghazals, Tracey Chapman’s ”Give me one reason to stay here”, George Michael’s ”Careless Whisper” that I’d play on repeat for days, latest addition to this list is Iman’s ”Tumi jaake bhalobasho”(Bengali song).
Shehzaad: ”Lag jaa gaale” (Hindi song)
8. Most awkward ex run-in?
Tanusree: I’m not awkward meeting or talking about any of my ex-es at all, in front of Shehzaad or otherwise. I actually came to know their whereabouts a couple years ago. I am going to sound extremely naughty to share that I got a cheap thrill to see/know their choice of life partners (How mean of me!) and the sad part is, all of them are having a pretty ”boring/mundane marriage”!
Shehzaad: None, I stayed away from all x,y,z.
Tanusree: If someone asked for something back, I would have returned it immediately but nobody ever did. I have some of the cards, presents etc. lying down somewhere in my storeroom, not necessarily I hold onto things passionately but I also didn’t see any reason to destroy them or get rid of them as I don’t feel so strongly about the person or those things any more.They are just there! Moreover, its been so long, I have moved from country to country, I don’t keep carrying them with me with any intention, they have been part of my growing up and the person/lover/life-partner I’m today.
Shehzaad: No I don’t give, didn’t give anything back. I preferred to hold on to memories and gifts.
10. What’s your take on taking a break?
Tanusree:I never believed in taking breaks, but I know plenty of people for whom they’ve been enormously helpful. I have never taken a break since I was 13. Kiddin’ (NOT) meaning I haven’t stayed single since I was 13.
Shehzaad: It doesn’t work actually. Its best to look for ‘me times’ by staying inside a relationship. If a person not allowed to grow individually first in a relationship then it may be the case that the relationship is suffocating or not congesting. A formal break to be away from each other is only another way of checking out other options with the loose promise of a resumption of relationships which is always temporary, doesn’t address the core issues and simply a way of making one feel less guilty about the true intentions.